When help goes bad...

Ha, haven't been posting for a while. To be honest, I haven't felt that great since I finished my assignments. I seem to be in a bad mood a lot. It sucks.

Anyways, I've been thinking about this thing on and off for the past few weeks. Something that really annoys me: when people try to fix your problems for you (especially personal ones).

Now, you should know that this is completely my own opinion - do not take it too seriously. Now, it's not bad to try and help people out when they've got a problem. For example, if I'm thirsty and you give me water; or if I don't know how to work a welder, and you teach me, then good. A practical solution for a practical problem - good. But what about the harder ones? The emotional ones. Let's say I'm stressing for exams, and you tell me to stop stressing. Am I gonna stop stressing? NO. Or what if you tell me all your relaxation strategies and study techniques? Will I stop stressing? It depends. At best, I might forcefully relax myself for a few seconds; at worst, I'll tell you you're an idiot.

My theory? Well, imagine the problems as holes and the solutions as blocks. Let's say a practical problem is a square hole, and an emotional problem is a different shape...hmmm...something complex...like a 10-pointed star. Now, if you put a square block in the square hole, it fits. Good. Now try putting a square block into a star-shaped hole. What happens? It won't work. It doesn't take long to realise that it doesn't work. But what if you persist? Then your energy is wasted. That's all. Nothing more. My theory is that purely practical solutions simply cannot fix emotional problems.

Another thing: advice. Just from my own perspecitve, if I'm sad and someone tells me to cheer up, this is what I think. Firstly, I acknowledge that he or she is trying to help. Secondly, however, I begin to think that he or she either doesn't understand, doesn't care, or both. It also gives me the impression that he/she thinks I'm stupid for being so sad and is telling me how to live my life because I'm too stupid to live it myself. Now, depending on the situation, the degree of unhappiness I feel varies.

The reason why I'm so annoyed with this is that I've had a lot of bad experiences where people have just given me advice and walked away, possibly thinking that it would fix everything. Well, more often than not, all it's done is made me angry. I understand that people are trying to help, and, most often, the solutions are good and logical. But solutions are not what I need. Solutions simply cannot fix emotions. For me, I would just prefer it if someone just listened to what I had to say without interrupting me with solutions; I need someone who is genuinely interested in ME and my feelings rather than my problems. I wonder if that's how others feel too...

The other day, I made a theory: Be quick to give hugs; be slow to give advice. I wonder what others think...