Love?

Well, it's been nearly 3 weeks since my last entry. Maybe I should write more...eh, I don't know...

Recently, I had a disagreement with a friend on the topic of love. Afterwards, it got me thinking about what the world thinks about love. Well, to tell you the truth, I am not actually sure how to define love myself, either because it is too complicated to explain, or because I lack the skills to explain it...or both...but here goes. Now, once again, this is my own opinion. I am not pushing it on anyone. If you are offended, I'm sorry.

When I think of how the world views love, I slap myself on the head (surprise, surprise...). I get images of attraction, dating, bfs/gfs, popular songs about love, fuzzy wuzzy feelings...and the list goes on. Then you get affairs, fights, and break-ups that end in tears. Gah. Sometimes, I feel lucky that I've never experienced any of this. It also makes me feel uncertain about relationships in general. I said FEEL. I don't actually think every relationship is gonna be like that.

Well, as one who rebels against the world, I say, "Whatever." There's gotta be more to love than that, right? What is love, anyway? What about love in families? Is it different? Eh?

I've been tied up in knots the past few days thinking about love, and how to define it, but the other night, I remembered a sermon quite a while back on the topic of love. The speaker mentioned two types: "eros" and "agape" (ah-GAH-pay).

Now, from what I remember, eros is also known as conditional love. Conditions are placed on love. If I'm not mistaken, eros is the Greek word for sexual "love". Words such as erotic, etc...come from it. So, I'm guessing that eros has a lot to do with feelings of attraction (etc...) as well. Feelings...attraction...hmmm...I see this in the media a lot...The world seems to think this...So, to me, eros love means that you love someone because they have something that pleases you. In other words, you are attracted to a certain quality in someone. This could include good looks, money, a sense of humour, nice personality, etc. Now, there's nothing wrong with attraction, but, the thing is, it's just a feeling (in my opinion, anyway), and a feeling is a feeling - nothing more, nothing less. So imagine a relationship based only on attraction to qualities or assets. Here's a quick example: "I will buy you diamond rings and beautiful things because you're so fine." Gah, I can't believe I just wrote that...*bangs head on desk*...oops I'm bleeding...nah, only joking. So presumably, the man loves the woman for her good looks, and he buys expensive stuff because of that. But what if he stops buying expensive stuff? What if he goes broke? Hmmm...You can think about that one. Now regarding a relationship based on eros love...Is it a deep relationship? Is it about the other person or about yourself - who is put first? What is the purpose of the relationship, then? WILL IT LAST? Each one of those questions regarding eros love, to me, is shaky. It make me wonder if eros is true love at all. The claim that ATTRACTION ITSELF is love is questionable, in my opinion. If it is, then, to be honest, I'm as good as dead.

Now, if attraction is all there is to love, then I wonder what happens as couples get older. Not to be mean or anything, but as people get older, they get less attractive. There. Does the love diminish? No. I don't think so. Now, I'm no expert in relationships, so the presumptions I'm about to make are a bit dangerous. Now, I presume that the feeling attraction decreases as the relationship goes on. Now come on. A man that has been married for, say, 20 years is not gonna be all shaky around his wife, is he? Rofl. I know it's nore complicated than that...but yeah. Now, to summarise, I think there is decreased attraction, but not decreased love. So I conclude, then, that there must be something else going on. Something independent of attraction.

That's where agape love comes in. Maybe. Agape love, unlike eros, is unconditional love. In my mind, it is the complete opposite of eros, well, primarily because it's unconditional. So what are the implications, then? It means loving independent of other things. That's the meaning of unconditional. The implications? You love the other person, well, because you love THEM. Not their money, their looks, their talent, blah blah blah...In some ways, it seems to me like a conscious decision. How so? Well, it's a conscious decision to put the other person before yourself. For example, you care for the other person, doing what's best for them, you forgive them for whatever wrong they do, you trust them, you confide in them and you see past their flaws (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Hard, isn't it? I said: HARD, ISN'T IT? To be always loving someone like this...but how does it sound...? I reckon it sounds pretty good. But hang on...could this apply to other relationships? I guess so (minus the attraction, and plus other things). Take a friend, for example. Could I care for a friend? Could I forgive them for the wrong that a friends does? Could I trust my friend? Could I see past their flaws? Sure, why not? So, to conclude on agape love...it seems very different from the world's view of love. So...maybe I've got a chance...(Yeah, I do. I believe in agape love).

So, here is a thought to tie things up. Imagine a relationship where 90% of the love is devoted to attraction and other things and 10% is devoted to the other person...(Now, I'm only using the numbers as a guide...You can't measure love!) So what if everything falls away except for the other person? Not much left, is there. Now imagine the reverse. 90% devoted to each other, and 10% to everything else - attraction and whatnot. Still strong, I'd say.

Now, forgive me, because, in my opinion, this has been a huge load of blah grounded in who knows what. Well, at least I know the part about agape love is stable. The Bible doesn't lie. I'm not the biggest expert on love, being a puny human. Hmmm...Don't think I'll get far in knowing about love. Ok. I'll spit it out. True love is unconditional. That's what I believe. I also have reason to believe that nobody could ever be an expert on love. It's not humanly possible. There must be something more...I'll just shut up now, yeah?