Alright, so I'm not exactly my own biggest fan. To say the least, I haven't really liked myself that much throughout my life. I never had a great childhood because of school bullying and whatnot, and (long story short) it's stuck with me until now. So, nowadays, I have a habit of looking down on myself and anticipating that others will look down on me as well.
Now, I knew looking down on myself didn't help, and until very recently, it was just a habit. On a deeper level, it just felt like a part of myself; my identity. I really like things that are familiar to me and I'm not too fond of er...foreign stuff e.g. I get homesick really easily, and I'm not too comfortable around strangers. Looking down on myself and fearing others has been a way of life for...idk how long, but long enough for it to be a natural response. I guess that's why many people who have abusive relationships keep on seeking the same abusive types of partners over and over. It's unhelpful, but they're comfortable with it because that's what they're used to (not always, of course). But just as these people keep seeking unhelpful relationships, so I keep thinking of myself in an unhelpful way...
For me, getting rid of these habits meant losing something I was comfortable with; something I was familiar with. Looking down on myself just feels like a part of who I am...
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