Strange Change 2

Well, having said that, I'll move onto the ending where the hero slays the dragon, gets its skin, has it processed at the tannery, sews the tanned dragon leather into a dragonhide vest and then sells it on the Grand Exchange, and everybody lives happily ever after (lol RuneScape).

But seriously, during a relationships conference early this month, after a sermon on forgiveness, I made a sudden realisation. As I said, I was picked on a lot at school. That was because of my over-anxious compulsive behaviour. They made fun of me because I was different. Teachers thought I was autistic or something. I was also hard to look after at home. I just wonder how it was that my parents, especially my mum, kept on loving me. It was even worse during high school, when my anxieties heightened, causing me to act out even more, and get picked on worse. My high school days (up to year 10) were full of hate, death threats (from me) and excessive use of the middle finger. As things got worse during high school, so they got worse at home. I would refuse to finish my food, for example, because of my paranoid beliefs at the time, and I yelled at my mum and called her stupid. I must have been such a burden on my parents back then. Is it to anybody's surprise that I don't tend to feel good about myself? Yeah, the majority of us don't have childhoods that dark. Still, this was no excuse for holding onto my old ways.

I just had to forgive myself. One: for being 'scum' during the childhood and early adolescent years. Two: for causing my parents (at least in my mind) so much grief (it probably wasn't that bad for them, but I just felt really bad for 'being a burden'). That moment of realisation was the turning point for me. If I had to do anything for God, it was to forgive myself and accept his love for me which I had unknowingly rejected by holding a grudge against myself. As for now, I'm tired of what demands the world throws at me, and what demands I throw at myself. In God's eyes, I'm forgiven and clean because of Jesus' death, and that's good enough for me any day.